Mama Bear

I’ve come to realize that I’m a pacifist.  I find it difficult even to look at a gun closely – I can count the number of times I’ve done so on two fingers.  When I find it necessary to confront someone, I’m driven by the need to resolve conflict rather than wanting to humiliate, exact revenge, or in any way keep conflict going. However, I’m also a mother.  Years ago when I saw that my 4-year-old son’s safety was at risk due to a neighbor’s idiotic behavior, I became MAMA BEAR!  The only thing on my mind was making sure that my neighbor regretted the very thought of endangering my child. 

As a pacifist, feeling the surge of this Mama Bear energy has been rare.  And as a pacifist, I also know that this energy is purposeful – it’s supposed to be directed at the source of a problem in order to immediately and effectively eradicate it.  So, where do I direct this energy when it rises in response to the idiotic, self-serving, criminal behavior that permeates the various systems of our society, endangering our lives?  There is no tangible receptor for my righteous rage.  My rage has thus become pain, a pain that I must learn to manage if I am to live a healthy, productive life.

Or so I’m told.  You can’t save the world.  These familiar words gently grace my ears, whispered from the lips of those who love me.  They worry that my carrying pain is unhealthy, and they  believe that I might enjoy more inner peace by directing my energy toward a single cause where I might actually see some positive impact. But I'm in pain because it's my compassion that makes me want to "roar." Wouldn't managing my pain also require me to "manage" my compassion, essentially denying who I really am?  Hmmm.

My son, now 27, lives 3000 miles away in New York.  I was so sure that once he grew up  and became independent, my Mama Bear energy would go into long-term hibernation.  Little did I realize that his independence would actually enable me to see beyond his immediate well-being and bring into my view the fundamental threats to our society and our world:  white supremacy, global capitalism, and a general disdain for Mother Earth and all her non-human species.

I am a pacifist.  I am also Mama Bear.  And yes, I must “roar” -- I must feel my full compassion and let it profoundly guide me rather than managing it in efforts to protect myself from being deeply pained.  I also believe that each of us knowing who we are and being true to who we are is absolutely necessary in order for us to truly transform our society and our world.

Copyright 2013 by Dianne Durham